My opinion on abortion is that nobody can tell you what to do with your body and the writhing horror gestating inside of you.
Does it still not count because I’m a man?
Read a friend’s status update about him missing his dead mother. Of course, it made me think about losing my mother and my father, both too soon.
So…I started having myself a good cry. It was long overdue, to tell the truth. I cry for my friends’ pain and during movies but I haven’t cried for myself as often as I maybe should.
My cat was being awesome and purring for me while doing her invasive cuddle thing when I decided I absolutely had to blow my nose.
This meant going to my bathroom to get some toilet paper.
When I got there, I saw that the roll was bare, meaning getting a fresh one out of the package. As this was a moment of pure self-indulgence, I got what I needed from the fresh roll and put the roll on the edge of the sink.
Well, because I’m me, the roll fell from the edge of the sink and into the toilet bowl.
I looked at it for a second and burst into laughter.
I’ll cry more another time. Right now, I’m too busy enjoying my legacy.
Priest: “Do you accept Jesus?”
Priest: “Do you reject Satan?”
10 of the Best Twilight Zone Episodes
This week marks the 54th anniversary of Rod Serling’s seminal science fiction television series that transported viewers into unknown dimensions — of sight, sound and of mind. One of the best TV shows to come out of the 1960s without having lost any of its appeal. Here are 10 of some of the best Twilight Zone episodes. Which are your favorites?
1 Nightmare at 20,000 Feet — William “Captain Kirk” Shatner stars in what might be the most famous and revered of all Twilight Zone episodes.
2 To Serve Man — In this episode, mankind has seemingly found a benevolent alien savior in the form of the Kanamits — a race of towering space travelers who are all too willing to help Earth eradicate the problems of hunger and war.
3 The Eye of the Beholder — A young woman undergoes surgery to improve her appearance and look like everyone else. It all becomes clear when the doctors and nurses faces are revealed.
4 Time Enough at Last — After getting his wish to be rid of people, he is stuck in a world with all the time and books he could ever want and no way to enjoy them.
5 It’s a Good Life — A boy with incredible psychic powers who holds everyone around him hostage. And if they displease him, he simply thinks them out of existence.
6 The Invaders — A woman takes on tiny alien beings who accost her at her isolated farmhouse with an incredible twist at the end.
7 The Monsters are Due on Maple Street — This episode is another tale that asks the viewers to decide who the real monsters are: the alien invaders or their very own friends and neighbors? The invaders conclude that the best way to destroy mankind is to let us destroy ourselves.
8 Living Doll — A man isn’t a fan of his stepdaughter’s new “Talky Tina” doll, especially after she starts telling him she’s going to kill him.
9 Walking Distance — A man revisits his childhood (literally). It’s not the typical Twilight Zone story, but it stands as one of the best tales in the series and one of Serling’s finest moments.
10 Five Characters in Search of an Exit — An army major wakes up in a metal cylinder and meets a hobo, a ballet dancer, a bagpiper, and a clown. This episode features one of the best surprise endings of the series.
Thank you for buying me so many of his comic books when I was young. They brought me into a beautiful world of perfect design filled with imperfect people. I always think of you when I read them. I recall our trips to Shinder’s and the many times I was surprised with gorgeous reprints of Fantastic Four.
You and mom both must have recognized the unbridled joy in my eyes whenever I was handed something new to read. In the many ways I imagine to have been a difficult child, giving me comic books must have been akin to giving a hyperactive dog a tasty dog biscuit.
I don’t miss Jack Kirby because I never met him and all of his creations are accessible to me to enjoy until I die. It’s you I miss, pop. To me, you were the Kirby of comedy and of fathers.
Tomorrow marks one year since Mikey called me so early in the morning that I absolutely knew what was happening before I even called him back. It’s the worst news I have ever received.
To tell the truth, I can’t seem to get over it. It’s been a wretched year of heartache and disappointment that’s all but completely derailed me as a person. You were my dad, my mentor, my best friend, and my hero. The world just isn’t the same without you.
I miss my mom, too. She would be the reclusive yet amazing Steve Ditko of my parentage. I mourned her so much before she died that it softened the blow and I’m always relieved that she no longer suffers the way she did in life. Of course, I’d take both of you back in an instant.
Thank you both for indulging my passions and I don’t worry about either of you because I know that death is part of the natural order of things, terrifying and mysterious as it may be. I just know that I’m here, without you…and it’s not nearly as great as when you were.
Whenever I’m on stage, I am giddy over the realization that I am an almost exact amalgam of both you and mom’s stage personas. You both brought something excellent to the comedy table and I hope to do the same, someday.
I love you both with all of my heart and soul. You gave me life, love, food, shelter, warmth, morals, and Fantastic Four.
"THE WORLD’S GREATEST COMIC PARENTS!"
Have you ever seen Cronenberg’s version of The Fly? Please watch it. It’s slightly less disgusting, visually, than the horrible signs you wave in the faces of sexually abused teenagers.
There is a scene in which Geena Davis, who has been impregnated by a human/fly hybrid has a nightmare involving the birth of their bundle of Brundlejoy. I imagine that anyone with a writhing mass of DNA gestating inside of them has a dream like this at some point. (Although I could be wrong.)
Personally, I saw the scene not just as a reminder that whatever under-the-frock is cooking is going to be ghastly but also that, no matter how fantastic the circumstances, pregnancy seems like it can be a lonely and terrifying place to be.
Of course, this is all side-stepping the issue at hand. That issue being that, regardless of why someone wants to terminate their pregnancy, it’s their choice. Why? Because it’s inside their body, not yours.
If you want to carry a tragic fly abomination to full term, be my guest. I hope you appreciate how I respected your rights as you spawn a murderous tsetse with testes into the public school system, eating all of the desserts.
As for me, I try to understand why someone would choose the path they take. How scary and confusing it must be for the Geenas of real life. I even try to understand you…and I do. You hate women.